“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” -Oscar Wilde
Are there times you’re not your genuine self? Do you have multiple identities for different people and places? You’re suffering from the Chameleon Conflict. You’re not being yourself enough.
Stop draining yourself from having to be fake. Stop putting up a front when you’re in front of certain friends, professors, parents, or whomever. Stop acting in a way that’s not how you’d truly want to be when in particular places or situations.
When you only have one genuine identity in life, your life becomes so much easier – like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. Plus, your awesomeness comes through much more clearly wherever you are and whomever you’re around.
Shed the Chameleon Conflict
The Chameleon Conflict is being inconsistent with yourself. Having multiple identities. Acting differently when talking to certain people or being in certain places.
Why do we have the Chameleon Conflict?
Because expectations develop to how we should act in front of certain people or in certain situations.
And it’s a burden in your life. It’s tough having to constantly put a front up. Time to lift this weight from your shoulders.
The battle is to unlearn those expectations. Be like a kid again.
Now, that doesn’t mean pick your nose and fart in front of others. You don’t want to be gross, just like you wouldn’t others to be gross in front of you.
Rather, stop thinking that you have to act a certain way just because a person is a certain type of someone. There’s no inherent rule that commands you to be not like yourself in front of professors or strangers or whatever. That’s just social expectations at work.
Unlearn those expectations. Shed the Chameleon Conflict.
Let Your Genuine Self Come Through
Pretend that everyone is your friend, or you already know them. Act how you would when you’re at your most relaxed and genuine.
You notice how little kids act the same wherever they are, with whomever they interact with? They don’t care if the person is their mom, a professor, the president, or Sean Connery; they’ll always be themselves.
Now, subtract the kicking and screaming and the “I want it I want it I want it” tantrums, and you get the idea of how you can be. And how easy your life can become. No effort required to act a certain way. Just be yourself.
Shed the Chameleon Conflict. Stop having multiple identities. Push yourself to slowly start being your true self in front of people and at places where you were putting up a front before.
The more you let your genuine self come through, the more comfortable you’ll get being yourself. Eventually, you won’t have to put multiple faces on. You’ll just have one identity: you.
All I Needed to Do Was Just Be Me
I used to suffer from the Chameleon Conflict. I had the multiple identities problem.
I was most genuine around close friends and my girl, casual but not fully open around friends and acquaintances, completely professional around professors and supervisors, and a reserved “nice” son around my family.
And I hated it.
So at the beginning of 2009, after returning to Chicago from a trip to Boston, I finally pushed myself to focus only on my genuine self. To drop any other identities and force the genuine one into relationships and situations where it wasn’t present before. Which included family, the toughest one to tackle.
And boy, did some sparks and fireworks fly at my parents’ home.
My dad wasn’t exactly happy with my unconventional life direction of writing, music, and entrepreneurship, since I stopped pretending that I was going to get a masters degree in the future (we’re Russian, so a degree means everything).
But rather than feel awful in a negative-vibe house, I actually felt relieved. I no longer had to pretend to be anything I wasn’t – all I needed to do was just be me. No need to come up with a spin or a story, but just act and say what I naturally feel.
Eventually, my dad got over it (I guess he accepted that I wasn’t doing any more organized edumacation). And I still feel great because since January of ’09 I no longer had to use any energy to pretend.
Life is easier – a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Now I let my genuine self come through to everybody I interact with, and I’d like to think my awesomeness increases as a result in my relationships and writing.
I’m loving life even more now, attracting the right energy and people, and putting my newly-recovered energy into doing what I love.
Always Be Yourself
Tired of not being your genuine self when in front of certain people or at certain places? You’re suffering from the Chameleon Conflict: acting inconsistent and having multiple identities. You’re not being yourself enough.
Make your life easier. Lift the weight from your shoulders: shed the Chameleon Conflict. Unlearn the social expectations – there’s no inherent rule commanding you to be unlike your genuine self. Start acting how you’d want to in situations where you weren’t doing it before. Your life will be easier and your awesomeness will come through more.
Always be yourself. There’s no reason not to be.
Useful Stuff Elsewhere
De-Compartmentalizing Your Life and the Extinction of Boundaries – Jonathan Mead on the importance of living in complete congruence. Aligning your identity and purpose, with no separation, partitions, and dissonance.
