“So see every opportunity as golden, and keep your eyes on the prize – yours, not anybody else’s.” -Roberta Flack
Stay focused and accomplish your goal faster by using the Power of No. Have your eye on the prize and ruthlessly refuse any opportunities that will deviate you from your path. Say yes only to those things that will help you achieve your goal.
Don’t say yes to everything that comes your way. You might think you’re helping people out by accepting their offers, but you’re actually doing a disservice to the world.
People will appreciate and get more use out of your unique value that you put your all into, rather than a bunch of half-hearted projects. You can’t give your all if you’re constantly giving your time and energy to other projects that don’t help you accomplish your main goal.
Plus, by using the Power of No, you’ll not only accomplish your goal faster because you’re focused, you’ll also have less weight on your shoulders. There’s no psychological ambiguity and guilt when it comes to others, since you’re clearly refusing opportunities with no chance of misinterpretation—and false expectations—from other people.
Strengthen Your Power of No
It’s hard to say no at first because you feel guilty or don’t want to hurt feelings. That’s fine; we’re human and want to help others. Start building your No muscle by saying no to smaller things, then move on to bigger opportunities and close friends and family. Remember: getting outside our comfort zone is a good thing because it means we’re growing and becoming stronger as a person.
You don’t have to—and shouldn’t—be rude or even blunt: you can honestly say that it’s not personal, you’re just focusing on your goal and don’t want to get sidetracked.
Over time, it’ll get easier, and your Power of No will grow stronger because you’re establishing a standard. You are clearly saying no as a blanket approach towards everyone, so it becomes nothing personal.
If you were playing a video game, and your goal was to get your character to gain a level, you’ll accomplish that the fastest by focusing only on gaining experience points. Slaying bad guys, finishing quests, whatever. Ruthlessly refuse any non-essential quests.
If you started accepting non-essential quests, it’ll take much longer to get what’s important done. Do enough of those useless side-quests, and you might start to forget what you wanted to accomplish in the first place. Use the Power of No to stay focused and accomplish your goal faster.
I Focus On My Goal, Refuse Everything Else
Throughout college, I constantly produced and recorded others. I rarely had time for my own music. After a while, I lost direction of what I wanted out of music, and I forgot why I was making it in the first place.
After taking a breather during winter break, in 2008 I wanted to focus on only my own tunes, which is what I enjoyed most. I started saying no to any outside music projects.
It was tough at first: I felt guilty refusing requests from people I knew. But after the first time I stood my ground and said no, I felt a sudden sense of freedom. The Power of No surged through me. It got easier saying no, and after a while, most people understood that I now only made my own music, not working with anyone else.
I now focus on my own writing and music and building a business around that. I want to deliver maximum value, and by only having those activities on my plate I can make the best possible stuff and faster. I say no to any business and partnership opportunities that won’t help those things get better.
Here’s what I say to people who ask me to work with them: “I appreciate the offer but decline. I have my eye on my prize and don’t do anything that deviates me from it. Nothing personal. I know you have your own goals, and I feel you’ll understand.”
Stay Focused and Accomplish Your Goal Faster
What goal are you trying to accomplish? Is it taking too long? Are you not as focused as you’d like? Accomplish your goal faster by using the Power of No.
Have your eye on the prize and refuse any opportunities that will deviate you from your path. Say no, keep your valuable time and energy, and you can give your all and deliver maximum awesomeness to the world as a result. The Power of No lets you stay focused and accomplish your goal faster.
“Work for your own destiny. Doing anything else bleeds the soul dry.” -Nathan Hangen
__________
(Image: Vocaloid)
Useful Stuff Elsewhere
The Art of Letting Bad Things Happen – Tim Ferriss on letting smaller bad things happen in order to focus on and achieve your big wins.
The Power of Saying No – Tomas Stonkus explains the benefits of saying no and how it prevents you from giving your power away to others.
14 Comments
Hey Oleg:
Glad you talked about the Power Of No as well. I definitely appreciate that link as well
Saying No is awesome! It clearly tells people who you are and what you are about. You can save time and energy by saying no to others. I started using it a lot when I saw the I could not manage all of the things in life at once.
Also, you have done something very interesting: you wrote about something that I wrote about and you did a great job of putting your own twist on it. Sometimes, I would shy away from writing on a topic that somebody else has written about. I would think to myself: “Why bother?”
However, your example showed me that if you put a different twist on every single topic that is already written – you will create value. After all, chances are that we are writing about things that have thousands of books written. I guess finding your own unique angle on a topic is what matters
Best,
Tomas
Thanks for your comment as always Tom. Yeah, I realized that there’s very few totally original ideas, and that the guaranteed way to bring something new is to focus on making stuff that’s uniquely me rather than come up with hopefully undone ideas.
Same ideas and styles of music that no doubt thousands of others have covered, but with my own remarkable spin on it.
I know for a fact that there’s only one me on this planet (alternate universes are another story
), so it’s easiest to direct my energy towards infusing myself in what I do, rather than worry about completely new ideas.
And for those that resonate with your remarkable spin on a topic, you’ll be their preferred choice. After all, people buy a Mac not because it’s the only computer out there, but that they prefer the remarkable design and OS (and the same for those who prefer Windows or Linux – same functionality, different unique spin).
Here’s to guaranteeing creating something fresh and exciting by injecting our remarkable self into a topic rather than worrying about whether it’s been done before,
Oleg
PS. Please let me know when I’m not remarkable enough in my articles and music, so that I may inject a heavier dose of Oleg into the next one.
legend status. full. legend. status.
couldn’t express more agreement about not diluting your focus and spending time on things worthwhile only. sure, exposure to a bunch of different things and diluting your attention during downtime can really help to allow the big ideas to swirl and dabbling can sometimes bring forth connections between topics that you weren’t aware of – but allocate specific time to dabbling rather than living by it. def.
really really like your caveat about not needing to be rude or even blunt. considering writing a piece about compassion and seeing the humanity in others. it’s a subtle thing but the place from which you’re coming when you interact with people makes an immeasurable difference in the quality of the interaction and its aftereffects. empathy. i think that’s what it’s about. say no but do it with a good heart and not a vapour of malice.
diggs the video game analogy. money money money
awwwwsomeness.
gave your site a stumble. hopefully swings some traffic by.
keep well mate
a
Thanks for your awesome comment as always Alex. Your encouraging words flatter and humble me
That’s great you’re going to be writing about compassion and empathy. I’m continuously striving to perfect my balance of saying no but with a good heart. I follow that cheesy-but-true golden rule: treat others how you’d like them to treat you. I feel some people see it black and white – either I’m nice to everybody or I don’t show any compassion at all. Like I wrote in this article, you can deny people while still showing empathy. I’m obviously interested in this topic, so I’m looking forward to reading your article on this (hopefully you do write it, love your style man).
Appreciate the stumble,
Oleg
PS. When’s the next article coming out? Feel like I’ve been waiting for ages for my next dose of Alex-awesomeness
Another valuable lesson by Mr. Oleg, that many people will be able to relate with in a variety of areas in their lives. I appreciate your transparency because the example that you provided about producing music for others and compromising yourself will ring loud and clear for the majority of the world. How many people compromise their time in the gym in order to do something for someone else? How many people compromise what they eat in order to please someone else? How many people take on additional responsibilties in their career, resulting in little time for areas of interest? I have spoken about this concept on a number of occasions and the question I ask the audience is, “Are you a doormat to the world?” Unfortunately, many people relate with this symbol because they allow themselves to be walked all over as their authetnic self is lost. I am a big believer in avoiding situations where compromises need to be made and instead synergizing with the people in your world. Why not work together in order to develop a 1+1=3 relationship so that everyone involved will have a beneficial experience? I admire your ability to become conscious to the times where you were compromising yourself for others because awareness will prevent this from happening on a consistent basis in the futrue while allowing you to pursue all of your dreams, hopes, and desires…
GREAT JOB OLEG!
Thanks for your great comment as always Jared. I’m super-appreciative to have your in-depth insights constantly grace my humble site.
You make an excellent point with 1+1=3. Rather than compromising, only accept partnerships that benefit both you and them. You’ll get assisted in reaching your goal faster, they’ll get their benefit, and the partnership will create a 3rd benefit – a sum greater than its parts. Couldn’t agree more man.
Here’s to disassociating ourselves from a “doormat” mindset (I like that) and freeing up time and energy to achieve our goals and dreams,
Oleg
I never thought of such inspiring article but i was alert with this topic somewhere in corner of my mind initially. Well, thanks for writing on such sensitive and powerful topic. It is not about the timing when to say yes and no but it is about the intensity of the focus on our goal that we concentrate on. When we take more responsibility we automatically conceive the power of calculation to manage things smoothly, so accordingly we use yes and no. It is actually based on the priority of certain situation upon which we make decision. But very truly said that sometimes in spite in absence of any demanding situation, we simply say no. According to human psychology , man behaves in such way only to put the impact of his/her image on other, so that others will start respecting and obey. This is what I realized by reading your wonderful blog.
Thanks for reading and commenting Chris. Indeed, it’s about taking responsibility for your time and goals by using the Power of No when necessary.
Appreciate the nice words,
Oleg
I do agree with this which is a bit of an about turn. I started off dismissing this for footloose and single adventurers as opposed to a mother of 5 but then I read it through and there is so much truth in it. Even my 2 year old now understands that once her needs have been met and she has entertainment, etc, there are times when I am working and she eventually accepts this and toddles off to play with her sister or entertain herself. This in itself is a valuable lesson for children – to learn how to focus on their own activities in turn. Thanks once again for your awesome blog.
Thanks so much for sharing your mother insight. Indeed, since I’m not a parent and I’m an adventurer, I naturally wrote it from that perspective. However, I was trying to make the Power of No strategy universal for all kinds of people and situations. Very interesting to see that it can apply not only to you as a mother but to your 2 year old as well (though she probably isn’t even thinking about it
).
Again, thanks for providing your valuable insight. This is why I love sharing and discussing ideas with people – we all get to learn new things on the same topic but from quite different perspectives.
Humbled by and appreciate your comments as always Kerry (and looking forward to reading more from your perspective on these topics),
Oleg
Such an important point. You might have to suffer to accomplish your own goals (I used the story of Howard Roark in a recent post), but at least you are working for your own destiny. Doing anything else bleeds the soul dry.
I like that Nathan. “Work for your own destiny. Doing anything else bleeds the soul dry.” Quote-worthy. Adding it to the end of the article
Definitely – nothing is 100% smooth, but even when you are struggling, you’re at least staying focused on your prize and accomplishing the goal that’s important to you. Otherwise, if you’re tackling unessential stuff, all that struggle would’ve been for nothing.
Oleg
Awesome stuff and something I’ve lived by for many years. A lot of people are afraid of saying no because of the consequences, but what they do not realize is that it is a filter. If you say no and people don’t want to be your friend anymore, would you really want a friend like that? Nicely done sir
Thanks for your comment and compliment Henri. Agree with your awesome point – if your friend stops liking you because of one no, then they’re not that good of a friend to begin with, are they? Interesting that the Power of No not only lets you achieve your goal faster, but the beneficial side-effect also filters out incompatible friends. Never thought about it like that.
Nice one pointing that out,
Oleg